Before Revisions of Body Paragraph 1 and 2:
In the short essay, Is Art a Waste of Time, Rhy Southan talks about many different views and opinions of being an artist. He starts off by introducing himself as a movie script writer whose focus is on very dark comedies. This tells me right away that Southan is an artists himself. He then introduces the Effective Altruism group, or EA for short. The EA have dedicated their lives to helping people in need all over the world in hopes to cure poverty. The EA believe that there is no room for art in the world and that artists could be doing other things that could actually benefit society. They believe that artists are in a whole other world just “paint[ing] beautiful landscapes in front of them while the rest of the world burns”. The EA wants artists to give up their dream of being an artist for a job with “higher expected returns” so that the person can donate more money or 10% of their earnings to the less fortunate. Southan however, does not feel the same way that Effective Altruism group does. He believes that “the world would be unlivable without art” and that art does have a positive impact in society. The EA does make Southan feel guilty for being an artist, but he comes to the conclusion that he is not willing to give up on art which he loves and holds dear to his heart for something that will ultimately make him unhappy.
On the other side of the argument, there are these two guys named Haas and Hahn, who have this amazing story about how art can change the perspective of favelas and rough cities. Their journey started when Jeroen Koolhaas won a competition to make a documentary for MTV. The documentary was originally on Brazilian hip-hop music in the favelas of Rio but during their time in Brazil, the word image was always lingering around the slums. Haas and Hahn saw this and wanted a change to happen so they put a plan in place. The plan was to create a massive mural that would cover many buildings and would be able to be seen from far distances. This experience brought together the whole community in a way like no other. Haas and Hahn completely changed the perspective of favelas and basically forced people to think of favelas differently by the actions of two people. Now that is truly unbelievable. Haas and Hahn quickly got famous and started getting requests from all over the world. They then took a gig in North Philly which is one of the poorest neighborhoods in the United States. They worked with the whole community to get this project done and it took about two full years to transform this neighborhood. Koolhaas and Urhahn even went a step further this time and trained kids from the streets to paint and hired them so they could help out with this amazing project while getting paid for it. Not only did these guys change the community, but they changed these kids lives by giving them purpose and a way to get away from the violence. Even now after the project has been over with, Koolhaas and Urhahn still stay in contact with some of the people from Philly which is proof of how these two guys really changed the community. They couldn’t believe how much of an impact they could possibly have on one neighborhood by using nothing but paint and a few brushes.
After Revisions:
The true power of art is to give rise to hope, promote change, and bring communities together. However, some individuals have drastically different opinions that will contradict mine. Some believe that art is a waste of time and should be removed from society all together. Rhys Southan’s essay, “Is Art a Waste of Time”, explores these opposing opinions. Southan, an artist himself, goes on vacation to have a peaceful set of mind to finish writing his play. Along his journey he meets a group of people affiliated with Effective Altruism. The Effective Altruism, or EA for short, have dedicated their lives to helping people in need all over the world to help cure poverty. The EA wants artists to give up their dream for a job with “higher expected returns” so that the person can donate more money or 10% of their earnings to the less fortunate. I agree that the idea of making more money to be able to donate more does sound amazing, but giving up art altogether to make it happen is not worth it. The EA believe that artists are in a whole other world just “paint[ing] beautiful landscapes in front of them while the rest of the world burns”. I strongly disagree with this statement because the beautiful landscapes that artists create help bring joy and light to the world which is slowly burning. Without these artists, the world would look more like hell and not so much of heaven.
Most, like me, believe that art is something that is essential to everyday life. Without it, life would be plain and colorless. Art is a powerful tool that, if used wisely, can do countless possibilities to the eyes of the individuals. These are the ideals that two artists named Haas and Hahn believe. Haas and Hahn create massive murals in rough cities and favelas. These masterpieces are so beautiful that it changes the perspective of the culture in the area. A great example of this was the time that Haas and Hahn spent in the favelas of Rio. The artwork that they made there was so magical, that it changed the perspective and image of favelas. The image of favelas was more along the lines of slums and Haas and Hahn turned the favelas of Rio into a tourist attraction. This changed the individuals in the favelas mental state from thinking that they were worthless to something that people valued and treasured. Not only did this project change the perspective of the community, but it also brought the community together as a whole. The community came together by all pitching in money for supplies and paint for the artists to work. Now if art is so useless, then why would a very poor region of Brazil raise as much money as 100,000 dollars when they could have used that money for their own well being?
Changes: I made some drastic changes to these two body paragraphs. Before the revisions, I was mainly summarizing the two pieces of literature we had. I got a lot of feedback on how I should be using my own ideas and supporting or contradicting those ideas with the two pieces of literature. In order to do that, I deleted the paragraphs and completely re-wrote the two paragraphs to have more of my ideas involved in my text. I do think that writing it more of around my ideas helped my essay sound better overall.
